Cheryl had to accept the financial arrangement her husband, David, made with his ex to whom he was married for more than twenty-five years. Though he had no child support payments because the youngest was 18 when David and Cheryl got together, he had already agreed to lifetime ex-spousal maintenance.
Cheryl says that’s not the part that bugs her; it’s the feeling that she’s number two that really bothers her. “I’ve had a bit of an issue about being second. Even the legal system treats you like you don’t have as much value as the first wife: ‘The first wife, that’s more important, your money needs to go there,’ so then you and your second wife can’t live nearly as well.” When her husband asked her to help him remember to send his monthly checks, Cheryl refused. “That’s your obligation,” she told him.
“That’s your responsibility to remember.” Many stepmoms are asked by their husbands to make sure the checks are sent to the ex, but I agree with Cheryl. Stay out of it. It’s your husband’s responsibility. He can have automatic payments set up if he has trouble remembering. Help him think creatively but stay out of the middle.
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