“My husband still pays for child support, but I basically pay for all of my stepkids’ necessities. At times I’ve felt like I wanted to pull my hair out since I had no way to gauge the depth of responsibility I was getting into, but I couldn’t look at those kids and say no.” In this case, Gretchen paid for their clothes and winter coats.
When they turned 16, she bought them each a car. But she admits she felt resentful that her stepkids’ mother did not pay for the things her children needed with the child support money, especially after the kids ended up spending 75 percent of their time with their dad and Gretchen. Some of Gretchen and Brad’s biggest fights have been about money, but eventually she decided she couldn’t complain.
“I couldn’t be a martyr. I thought about my goals and my choices, and to be honest, having a family feel good was the most important thing for me.” In our household, I am not expected to pay for my stepchildren’s expenses directly, but I end up contributing more to the household than my husband because most of his extra cash goes to his children.
My extra money goes to maintain the lifestyle we want to live. If you make more money than your husband does, sit down and figure out what your goals are. What feels fair? What kind of lifestyle do you want to live? What are you willing to contribute to raising those kids? Can you say no if buying an expensive toy or a new car for them makes you uncomfortable? How do your current financial arrangements affect your marriage?
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