Stepmoms are all over the board when it comes to estate planning. Because stepchildren are not included in inheritance laws, you have to clearly spell out where you want your money to go after you die. If you do not mention your stepchildren in the will, they do not exist in your world as far as the legal system is concerned. This is a relationship of choice.
Just as you get to create what your role is as a stepmother, you get to decide what your financial role will be at the end of the day. Tracy, the social scientist, adopted a daughter before she married Andrew, who had two boys of his own. When they began planning their wills, they decided to split their assets according to the fact that the boys would also be in their mothers’ will.
“It’s not exactly even, but almost. The boys will also get money from their mother, but our daughter only has my husband and me, so there is a preference for her, but it’s not a huge difference.” Mary dated her husband for eleven years while his five children grew up, but they didn’t marry until the kids were nearly grown. She doesn’t feel that she has a financial connection or responsibility to her adult stepchildren. “I wouldn’t want my money to go to my husband’s kids,” Mary says.
“My beneficiaries are my husband, my brother and sister, and their kids. My husband talks about my nieces and nephews like they’re mine, like people do when they both have kids. I don’t know why I’m selfish like that. It just doesn’t feel right. I still like to feel like I have my own family.”
Because it’s a relationship of choice, many stepmothers change their wills as the time spent in their stepfamily lengthens and their bonds with the children are set. Stacy is an amateur ballroom dancer, CEO of a publicity agency, and stepmom of two girls. She says she has assets amounting to several million dollars that currently will go to her husband, Travis, and her siblings in the event of her death.
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